March 18, 2003 - 6:06 p.m.
I went to go see Chicago with my mom today. The movie was amazing, even though it wasn't exactly what I expected. I loved watchhing it, partially because it seemed so unreal and then so real.
Sure, you really can't make your life into a musical most of the time, but I absolutely beleive that old proverb of "life is a stage." Corny, yes, but absolutely true. How many times a day have I dramatised just to make people think differently of me. I'm good at acting. I can act innocent, or smart, or brave, or nice. And if you think I'm any of these things, well then, I've tricked you as well. I'm ordinary, mean, scared and quiet. This outside appearance is just all a facade sometimes. And maybe that's why I loved Chicago, it just appeared to the inner demon of me, the part of me that laughs at other people's failure, the part of me that is hateful, and yet I can't seem to hate it.
So on to the other part of my day. Dad took me to Slackers, an electronics shop where they sell both used and new items. I sold 9 old CDs(such as NSYNC and Mariah Carey: CDs I never plan to listen to again) and my DVD of Metropolis (which I hated). In exchange for this load of crap, I recieved two Weiss Kreuz DVDs and a Coldplay CD. It felt so good, walking out of that place without spending a thing. I would have spent eighty dollars on this, and I got it for free. Sure, I had to sell my old stuff, and I didn't get even half my money back, but I don't care.
It was a full sense of cleansing, getting rid of my teeny-bopper anthems in exchange for something that I'm really passionate about, even though they not be the newest fads or the hippest bands. It was a real sense of...I don't know. Freedom. Now there is no evidence that I was anything but my collected, intellectual self. And even though that isn't really the truth, it's a nice lie. I'm sort of leaving my old self with this, and that's something I've been wanting to do for a while.
