April 02, 2003 - 9:33 p.m.
Today was the fated day that I gave my speech. I was a nervous as all the hells. What if they didn't think I was funny? What if no one laughed? What if my speech sucked?
It didn't exactly help that my teacher came up just before my speech to tell me that my Nelly poster was deemed inappropriate by certain members of the faculty. Now, I don't speak ghetto, but Nelly seemed to be making a four. You know, he was sticking up four fingers. I'm not sure how this is offensive. Is this slang for something? Please, some one inform me wha tthe hell is wrong with the dreaded four! I'm dying to know.
So know, I'm pissed as well as nervous. But, you see, being pissed is a lot easier: it gives you something to prove. So I listen while Jessi gives her speech, which is a real snore. I want to be your preisdent, blah blah blah. I'm not perfect, but I did a good job this year, blah.
Audience: Snoring
And then Julie gives me a very informal, but nice nomination. Now it's my turn. Sweat, tremble, shake, stutter.
I don't need the paper, it's all in my head. I start off traditionally, listing my activities and good qualities. And then I break the monotony with a huff off, "Wow, this is so boring. I swear I wasn't going to have a boring speech, and look at me! You know what a president really is? It's a slave...for the people!"
I cue Julie, and she starts beatboxing. The crowd erupts in laughs and cheers. Me, I'm laughing to, almost to much to sing. Somehow I stutter out:
I'm a slaaaaave for you.
Don't be hesitant.
Vote for me for president.
Vote for meeeee for pres!
More cheers and applause. I'm a hit.
I stutter out the rest of my speech, about how I'm going to represent the people. I give a quick thank you and scream, "This world is made of love and peace!" before a final "Vote for me!"
All of the other speeches suck. I was the best.
I am complimented around school, although someone rather meanly remarked to me that she didn't know what I was singing and that no one could understand me. And altough I admit that my very was shaky and the tune was barely recognisable, the comment was fucking idiotic. But I'm a politician, so I just bite my tongue.
Meanwhile the others sing my praises about how good my speech was. A friend told me that I was totally owning the microphone and i was acting like a rockstar, dancing and singing like Christina Agulera on heroin. I take that as a good thing.
Elections are on Friday, and I'm interested to see who will win.
If I actually do win, I'm just going to die laughing. So fucking funny.
