May 01, 2003 - 4:48 p.m.
Well, what do you know? Diaryland has consented to let me update. What has it been? A week now?
Britney scares the shit out of me sometimes, with the smoking and sex and bulimia. Scares the living fuck out of me so much I just want to shake her and scream "Stop!"
Gabby says that she doesn't know how people could be like that, that she'd feel dirty if she ever did that kind of shit. I agree.
Gabby and I have been talking a lot recently. At least once a week we'll have two hour conversation. I miss my Gabsters and Kate and Renny.
But school is okay. I'm just trying to keep myself together, trying to keep everything perfect. Britney has anorexia, and I have my grades, I guess. Both are warped views of perfection, but at least I'm not killing brain cells while I do it.
My mommy bought me bronzer today, because I feel so pale and I refuse to tan (skin cancer is not pretty). I hate make-up, but I like to look pretty. How contradictory is that?
I need to meet some real life boys.
I hugged a British guy a few weeks ago, and it's been coming back to haunt me. I was so hyper, and he was so cute, and the accent...God, I just had to ask for a hug. Turns out he's going with a friend of mine to prom...great! And the girl who brought him to schoool thinks I'm such a dork (bu she's really nice, so I don't care!).
I embarass myself way too much. Like yesturday, I dressed in regular clothes when I was supposed to be in uniform. Ahh! It was the coolest outfit, and I'll never be able to wear it without thinking of my blunder!
