May 08, 2003 - 7:46 p.m.
It's quite sad. I feel so alone right now. Granted, there's no one in my house, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm alone, and I'm sick of being lonely.
I'm such a nowhere girl, doing nothing and going nowhere. Making all my nowhere plans for nobody.
I went home with Jessi today. Our conversation was brief, at the least.
"So, what's new? Any new boyfriends?"
"Do you even have to ask?"
"Yes."
"You already know the answer would be no."
"I don't have a boyfriend either, Cass. Sometimes it's easier and better that way. You are being controlled by anyone. But it gets lonely."
Tell me something I don't know. I've been single sicne 7th grade, and I'm a freshman.
It sucks.
I haven't wasted my tears on boys for a long time, not since I was crying on the phone when Gabby told me about when Julie mde out with someone I liked. When was that? Beginning of eighth grade? Anyways, I don't feel like starting to weep anyways. I'm stronger than that, at least I hope.
Since then, I've always been the aggressor, finding guys that I like and then dropping them when I realize I don't need them. It wasn't them I needed. In love, the one who is loved wins, right?
It's not like I'll take anybody. I just want somebody.
Catch my drift?
Going to an all girls school sort of helps with the pain. I don't have to see happy couple everyday, but it's not like I'm meeting anyone new. Double edged sword.
It all seems so easy in fairy tales or anime or books. The right person just seems to pop out with a little patience.
I've been patient, and have nothing to show for it. This sucks.
