May 29, 2003 - 3:58 p.m.
I don't know what it is...
I don't feel comfortable writing here anymore.
Trapped, even here, in my own diary.
Did I change? No. Maybe I'm just a little more honest. Or I'm trying to be honest, mainly with myself.
So what does this mean?
I don't know.
I'm thinking of leaving, thinking of moving somewhere where no one will ever find me, giving no one the address, and starting all over again.
It's not safe for me to stay here.
And if I have to tell only part of the story to write here, then I may just have to start over.
Maybe I should just lock the damn thing.
I want to write, more than anything.
But I want to write for me.
No, I'm not depressed; I'm not insane; I'm not mad at anyone.
But the butterfly has got to shed the cocoon sometime, right? Or else what good is it?
So if this is goodbye, I love you. And maybe it isn't.
Why am I crying as I write this out? Am I afraid to leave? This is my life here, after all.
Stop it. You're making me get all weepy and sentimental.
But yeah, so maybe this is goodbye.
Maybe I'll come back when I feel safe here again.
Sayonora, aishiteru...
